Never Enough
by SilentSpeaker13
Summary: Some guys are just so good they're too good, too pure, to be real.  Yuugi Muto is one of those people.  Jou pov, one sided Jou/Yuu, implied Yuu/Yami.  R&R!


**AN: Hey, my first Yu Gi Oh fic. Yeah and it was totally spurred by reading waaay too much Yu Gi Oh fics, cause like all my fictional interests, everything seems to turn to yaoi goodness. Hope y'all enjoy this. I'll probaby write more fics for this show in the future, esp if anyone out there actually likes this. Please R&R! Enjoy!**

**-I don't own Yu Gi Oh or its characters, big surprise.**

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><p>Some guys are just so good they're <em>too <em>good, _too_ pure, to be real. At first you hate them, you want them to become just as angry and jaded as you are; you resent their sweet innocence and take it out on them. Then, if you're lucky enough, you get to really know them. You become friends and you come to realize that their faith in people in a constant battle; they push themselves to find the good in people despite any inner desire to do otherwise.

And then you start to love them. And it hurts. There's a moment of joy, of course, but it's gone as soon as you know what it is. You feel guilty, ashamed. How can you love them? How can you think yourself worthy? They're good and pure and what are you? What have you already done? What have you already done to them? You hate yourself, you feel sick. But you can't let them go or give up hope, because they're too precious, too wonderful. So you try to make yourself better, to get yourself to a level where you might be good enough to be worthy of their affection.

Yuugi Muto is one of those people.

How did I meet him? I bullied him trying to 'make a man out of him'. What did he do? He protected me from someone beating the crap out of me and called me his friend. Debt number one.

I tried to be a good friend and I was...I mean I think I was. I looked out for him and stuff, but there was always that first debt that I had to make up for, that inequality. No matter how hard I tried it seemed like he was always doing something that still left me with that little discrepancy: my sister, being possessed by Malik, sacrificing himself, risking his life to save mine, we could never just get to neutral ground.

And then of course came Yami. Righteous Yami who ended up protecting us just as much as Yuugi did. Yami who became softened by Yuugi's kindness and gentle heart. Yami who seemed to be able to get on the same level as Yuugi, to be as good, if not as forgiving, as Yuugi. I wanted to hate him, but I couldn't. He wasn't as pure as his lighter, brighter counterpart, but he was just as good and I couldn't hate him for that, even though I wanted to. I was in debt to Yami too and I hated it for an entirely different reason.

I saw it between Yuugi and Yami. I heard the way they talked about one another to the rest. Yuugi with his faint blushes and Yami's voice and eyes slightly softened with affection and the things they didn't say, the secrets and intimacy that was obviously reserved for just them. Yami was equal with Yuugi and I hated it. Because I was in debt to Yuugi I could never have him...but Yami could.

But I could tell try to win him right?

No. I was in debt to Yami, I couldn't deny it, couldn't try it.

But I could tell him at least, right?

No. You can't tell people like Yuugi things like that, 'cause they'll feel bad, they'll try to make it better. People like Yuugi feel bad for not loving someone who doesn't even deserve it. Heh, they're so good they feel bad for those who aren't worthy of them...people like me. So Yuugi will never know.

But Yami does. I can see it. It's the way he stares at me: calculating, dissecting, and with a small amount of cautious sympathy. I hate that look. I think there's a tiny fear in him I'll say something to Yuugi, but he'll never tell him. I can't blame him; if he could even think of letting Yuugi go he wouldn't be worthy of him in the first place. But that's still kinda wishful thinking in a way. I'm not a threat. We both know that Yuugi would never leave him for me; Yami would never tell because it would hurt Yuugi to know that he had hurt me in a way that couldn't be fixed...and I would never tell because I'm not good enough.

Never thought I'd lose someone to a bodiless spirit that died several thousand years ago. Just my luck, go figure.

I just do the best I can. I don't say anything. I let the odd, implausible thing between Yuugi and Yami happen. I laugh with Yuugi and stay his friend. I try not to look at him like I want to. I let Yami give me those looks when I slip up. And I don't hate him, either of them, I just wish them happiness and keep my damn mouth shut. They're good and they should be happy.

And I hope that my silence makes me closer to being good too.


End file.
